Prepare your fresh watermelon. Slice the ends off carefully and cut off the rind to leave a minimum amount of flesh once the watermelon is on its flat side.
Lay out the entire watermelon lengthwise on the cutting board and set the largest surface area of the watermelon face up. Cut 1-inch diagonal slits on the top of the watermelon with a knife to create a cross-hatch pattern.
Combine coconut sugar, onion powder, chili powder, salt, pepper, paprika, garlic powder, and cloves in a medium bowl.
Rub the spice mixture over the watermelon not to tear it, and make sure to rub in any spices that get in between the cross hatch cuts.
Preheat the oven to 450°F. Then lay a wire rack over a rimmed baking sheet and transfer the watermelon cross-hatch side up on it. Refrigerate uncovered for at least 12 hours.
It would be best if you uniformly covered the bottom of a roasting pan with the hickory chips and the liquid, set aside. Remove all the juice except for 2 teaspoons. On top, set the roasting rack.
Place the watermelon on the roasting rack, cross-hatch side up, and use a heavy-duty foil to cover it tightly. Bake your watermelon for about 30 minutes.Turn down the heat to 250°F and continue baking for another 3 hours. After that, remove the foil and give it another 3 hours to roast. Make the glaze in a large skillet, and heat canola oil over medium heat. Add minced garlic and ginger once the oils start simmering and frequently cook, stirring for about 1-2 minutes, until you get a fragrant and light golden brown color.
Pour in the orange juice, coconut sugar, honey, mustard, chipotle, salt, and Worcestershire sauce. Stir continuously until the mixture is thoroughly combined.Reduce the heat to medium and bring to simmer, stirring often. Cook for another 10-12 minutes. Take watermelon out of the oven and turn the broiler on high after 6 hours. After removing it from the roasting pan, place the rack on a baking sheet. Discard the hickory chips and excess liquid from the pan. Place the watermelon rack back in the roasting pan. Brush ¼ cup of the glaze over the top of the watermelon and transfer it to a large serving platter topped with sliced oranges, thyme springs, and rosemary.
Add another ¼ cup of glaze to the warm watermelon and cut it into slices. Serve with the remaining glaze and have fun watching your guest wondering whether it is natural ham they're eating.